[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
I get the feeling something
doesn't want me alive.
I mean, sharks, mortar shells,
attack helicopters, drowning...
some force wants me dead.
Maybe that's why all of
this is happening.
I was SUPPOSED to die
yesterday in the test chamber
but I didn't because I'm hardcore,
so now reality is slowly unraveling.
That makes me the most important
person in the universe.
Still don't like getting shot at, though.
How did this guy get here?
I guess he fell out of the chopper.
Well, glad they're using up
missiles on something besides me.
So, if I die, will reality
slowly correct itself
or will the world just end?
It might as well be the end of
the world if I'm dead!
God, how many helicopters are
there?
Too damned many, that's how much!
Alright, yeah, more missiles.
I never really had
an opinion about it before,
but after today, I think we definitely
have too much military spending.
It needs to be, like, 1%.
He's flying like he doesn't give a fuck
how many missiles he uses.
He'll probably use the extras to
blow up cactuses--[missiles firing]
YES! FIRE MISSILES AT ME!
THAT'S TOTALLY NOT OVERKILL!
OH, MY GOD! IT IS SO HARD TO
CONCENTRATE OUT HERE!
Yeah, let's see you shoot through
solid rock, there, tough guy.
Man, I'm a little light on ammo
after shooting that last chopper down.
I think I just got lucky on that last one.
I mean, these are only, what, 9 millimeter?
Their hull can probably take that.
I'm pretty sure I'm not the first person
to have the idea of shooting at a helicopter.
OKAY! I NEED SOME VOLUNTEERS!
WITH YOUR HELP, WE CAN SHOOT
DOWN THIS HELICOPTER!
GOD DAMMIT!
YOU'RE NOT HELPING AT ALL!
DO I LOOK LIKE A HELICOPTER?!
I do NOT look like a helicopter!
If I did my life would be less
complicated in some ways
and more complicated in others.
Actually, my life's gotten
REALLY complicated lately.
I guess I'm not doing
as much...math.
Math has zero bullshit tolerance.
Yeah, just as I thought.
That did nothing.
Storm dra-- it probably rains
here once every three years.
If I smoked, this is exactly where
I'd have a cigarette right now.
I guess I'd smoked peyote, but I'd
rather chew it or take it intravenously.
Oh, here's a good hiding spot.
Oh, wow. More explosive rounds.
Yeah, I could think of
a lot uses for these.
Yeah, this would actually be a
terrible time to take peyote.
I don't see how a good trip
would be even possible.
Oh, man, shells!
This is a treasure stash!
Maybe, if I'll keep looking,
I'll find a big bag of cash.
That would simplify my life.
Maybe since the universe is
conspiring to kill me and failing at it,
that means I can break more
rules and get away with them.
Like, I could go in and rob a bank,
and, even though there's only
like a 30% success rate at that,
I'd be the one to get away with it.
Okay... I guess don't go
passed... this... point...
Fucking "Tremors" man....
Oh, look, my best friend's back.
Okay, time to visit Chataeu du Rock again.
Okay, I don't know what I'm looking at,
but, there's a dead guy, so there's that.
I guess I could talk to him,
see if he knows anything.
Hey, I was right. It's
something horrible.
Whoa! Whoa!
What's the range on that thing?
I think I'm just pissing it off.
I'll leave it alone. Maybe it'll
grab the helicopter.
Then everyone will be happy.
And we'll have balloons and
ice cream and cake and--
Hey, I've been here already!
I'd know that mound of sand anywhere!
And, God dammit,
that helicopter won't give up.
I feel like all that propeller spinning
should be affecting the axial
procession of the Earth,
even though I know it doesn't.
The Coriolis Effect is not
working for me today.
But, I will say that my career's turning out
much more varied than I would've thought.
Physicists don't usually see
this kind of action.
YAAH! YAAH! YAAH! YAAH! YAAH!
This is kind of how claimed my
lab space at my first day of work.
Except I didn't have a shotgun for that.
Okay, this is the wrong way;
I'll be leaving now.
And, I guess going in circles the other
way, maybe some options will open up
even though they shouldn't, but--
Okay, you are way too big.
I wonder how this fits into
the ecosystem.
It doesn't seem to be
actually eating anything.
All right, that gives him someone new
to play with while I walk in circles again.
This is the place I should've
decided to take a nap.
It's too loud, though; I'm never
going to get any sleep here.
So, where are these mines?
I guess, passed this hill?
I thought I hated mosquitoes
and then I met you.
Okay, maybe he thinks
I'm going that way now.
You know, I think this is the first situation
I've encountered in the past two days
where a grappling hook would NOT
solve all my problems.
So, I guess I went in circles because I
didn't want to walk into a fucking minefield!
I need a can of orange spray paint
so I can tag one of those bodies
and throw it out as a decoy.
I swear, every time I come out
from underground,
you'd think the world's ending.
I don't think they'd put mines
on the very sides, did they?
Eh, the rock wall should be good.
Hell, the signs are on THIS side,
so that means they're expecting
movement from the other side.
Well, good in the Mine Department,
not so good in the Helicopter-Pilot-
With-A-Hard-On-For-Me Department.
Neither of these departments
were a problem before today.
Okay, yeah, this'll work.
It's amazing how relative deprivation in gunfire
change your attitude about things.
Hm, there's barbed wire there; I guess...
Okay, I think I should just jump it,
in case there's a mine right next to it
because that's something I would do.
A little close there.
Don't want to floss with this stuff.
Oh, my God, it's like twenty
degrees cooler down here.
I'm not even surprised, I just forgot.
I think there's sand in my suit.